Personal Experiences

Lena: A new approach to live my life

I came to Divinya three months ago. I had dreamed for so long of living in a community and having company on my spiritual path, that it was very surprising for me to observe my difficulties in fully entering at first the togetherness here. I was a bit skeptical, because this way of living and following the teachings of a living Master was very strange to me. Curiosity, the inner knowing that I am here for a reason and a longing I could not define made me stay.

Expressing love through caring and sharing has been a big breakthrough for me. It is actually very contagious. Every time I receive small gifts of care and encouragement, this energy moves through me, vibrates in every cell of my body and wants to be expressed multiple times again. And when I am being attentive, when I am able to help someone, every time I can serve, even every time I clean, my whole body is nourished in a way food could never do. That is probably how God expresses itself though me. Sometimes I really feel like an instrument of love. I can feel my boundaries expanding and that I am letting more people into my heart. Divinya’s nurturing ground of kindness, caring, sharing, trust and Sister- and Brotherhood feels so good in me.

I also observe that I am more able to relate and connect to nature. Hugging a person is one color, but when I hug a tree, I experience the whole color-palette. My heart is aching and I feel so open, so empty, clear and still, and yet fully filled with life. I feel so free. Once I deeply recognized that I am never “alone”, my body suddenly didn’t feel scared anymore when walking outside in the dark. It feels like I am surrounded by something deeply known and very soothing. I used to “ground” myself with all kinds of esoteric means, but here I came to know about way more powerful methods: The wind can blow away all my worries, and when I feel spaced-out I just need to lie down on the ground, touch the soil, the grass, the fallen leaves and gently listen to the heartbeat of the Earth.

What I have discovered is that the stories I hold about myself and my life are functioning like a grey cloud covering my light. This light is always there, but not always visible to me. More and more I can deeply feel that I am a cosmic being, sacred and pure. A natural being living on a beautiful, magical planet. I am not even just someone who is made to enjoy this Earth but one that is fully part of the whole creation. In this light my problems, repeatedly spinning stories, seem so small, so unimportant, so light and easy, almost invisible. I am learning to not think about my body as something that has to be optimized, but as a divine vessel providing me with the opportunity to feel continuously flowing peace, love and joy.

“Why do you go to Divinya?”, was a question I replied with “Because I want to find myself”. Now I would answer, “Because I want to meet myself”. I interpreted the deep longing inside of me as a need to find my “Somebodyness”. In Divinya I learned that I do not need to hold any idea or image about who I am, I do not need to identify or describe myself. I don’t need to fit into any box.

One night I was gazing into the sky, my face was lit by the moonlight and I was surrounded by bright shining stars. “I really missed to look at the night sky”, I thought, and started to cry because a missing puzzle piece finally found its place. In this moment I knew deep down that I have touched the core of what I am longing for. Something calls me to come home to what I already am. I’m longing to meet the light, longing to bathe in peace, to meet my natural state of being. This state that feels so effortless, so simple, so natural. I wish to become ever more aware and to more and more let go of all the layers that limit me from being.

I am deeply grateful to be here. It’s extreme luck – or maybe good karma – to have found an environment of so much love, light and spiritual thirst. I thought that spending time in Divinya was just a holiday in my busy life, but it became a new and true approach to live my life. It became a new beginning for me.